This is entry is part of a series called “30 Days of Kink”
How did you discover you were kinky?
I’ve known since a very young age that I really, really liked sex. But my path to kink wasn’t quite so clear cut. By the time I moved out to Colorado I was only 20 but I felt like I was searching for something “more” in my sex life. Every partner couldn’t quite get me there. I’d ask to be fucked hard and it was never hard enough. I’d ask to be “taken” and the overwhelming sense of being at their mercy never came. One night, I was discussing the failings of my most recent sexual conquest with a good friend and he offered a suggestion- perhaps you’re submissive. I had no clue what he meant but he offered me links to helpful writings online and suggested I move off of aff.com and onto alt.com. I read and read and read and felt like I’d found this “thing” that I’d been missing. I had no understanding, though, of what it looked like in practice. I spoke with a few online “Dominants” who had me do horribly humiliating things and after deciding that didn’t feel good, I decided maybe this wasn’t what I was looking for after all.
I left my kinky fantasies behind and found myself in a few committed, monogamous, vanilla relationships- one where we even began talking of settling down. I wasn’t getting the sex I wanted, but perhaps my urges and fantasies were unhealthy anyways. So I ignored them until I was starting to feel restless in my sexless relationship. I started a profile on a few dating sites and ran across one that mentioned the kink community. He was handsome and his profile seemed articulate so I wrote to him bragging that I’d experienced kink a year before and it was an interest. He one upped me and began telling me about the local Denver kink community. He told me about his girl who was in service to him, he told me about scening and playing with S/M type exchanges, and he told me about the decadent parties he attended and after a few weeks and several dozen dirty pictures I begged him to show me his world.
We set a date and he came over late at night to my house (Bad Evey!) and we headed straight to my bedroom (Bad Evey!) and he started showing me around his toy box. After showing me his switchblade he offered to show me. He joined me on my bed, lifted off my shirt and proceeded to press the blade against my throat, drawing it down until he was pressing into my nipples (Bad Evey!). We then proceeded to fuck like rabbits (Bad Evey!). Luckily, he was a nice guy and the relationship continued beyond a one night stand and over the course of a few months I wound up attending event at one of the local BDSM clubs and being introduced to people who would eventually become my Leather Family. It was a bit serendipitous, really.
But I have to be honest, I kinda did it all wrong and looking back I’m EXTREMELY lucky that I ended up safe. It’s not a way to go about finding the kink community that I’d ever recommend to anyone else. It was a huge risk to take and I could have found myself in a very compromising position if those involved had not been quite as honorable.