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An end.

March 7, 2011

Today was one of the most difficult days I’ve had in a long time. My relationship with “The Girl Who Thought To Bring Me A Hubcap” is over. I’ve dealt with break ups before. It took months of painful screaming matches before I found the strength to leave Vie. And I’ve written a bit about the ups and downs Mr. Rawr and I have had. There are examples from my vanilla dating life when I was younger as well. Despite how horrible some of those situations made me feel, this time around it feels worse.

I’ve been sitting in bed all day asking myself, “Why is that?”

The answer is sickeningly simple and yet had to be pointed out to me. She hit a trigger. She abandoned me. Multiple weeks of ignored calls/texts/emails, a relationship she didn’t bother to tell me about, and her own triggers regarding our relationship have left me sitting here wondering, “What did I do wrong and why don’t you love me?” A place I haven’t been in years and is really tough for me to handle on an emotional level.

The Redheaded Slut says each person makes you a little better for the person who will eventually come along.

Isz says it’s important to find partners who I can relate to well emotionally because that base reaction will define the relationship.

I know this, too, shall pass. I know that it was already hanging by a thread before I triggered. I’ve had doubts all along. It just hurts and I find myself having to keep reassuring my mind that no one else is leaving. My rescheduled date with Mr. Rawr should help. So should my date night with Isz this weekend. I suspect moving into my new studio this week will help me feel less alone too, with the new roommate the apartment at least won’t be so quiet.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Bad permalink
    March 8, 2011 3:42 am

    *Hugs*

  2. Nicoli permalink
    March 8, 2011 9:22 am

    All things will end young Voyeur. Be that good, or bad. They simply end. And while we sometimes enjoy the ending, or mostly dread the end. They still end. But it is because of that end that we find ourselves where we are right now. And eventually where we want to be. “The redheaded slut” is correct in talking of surrounding yourself with those who make you happy, but one must realize that when opportunities arise for either you or the other party, then one must make the choice of letting go of the current happiness in chance of finding a better more enlightening one but with the risk of falling back to where we were before that happiness. Or stay with the current and risk boredom and regret, but maintaining the safety and security of keeping the here and now. Some times the choice is ours to make most time it’s not. But I know you’ll be able to pull out of it.

    Until then Your hidden Voyeur,
    Nicoli

  3. drew permalink
    March 8, 2011 9:35 am

    It seems like right now is a huge time for change for you… this can be scary, exciting, nerve wracking… but in the end change is good. As hard as it might be, in the end you will be a better person because of it. I suspect in a few weeks when you settled in to your new place, and have had a few dp dough parties, mixed in with a karaoke night that you’ll be in a comfortable place in your life, at least more comfortable than it is right now.

    Keep your chin up and count on your friends. 😉

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