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Review: Neon Jr. G-Spot Softees

November 19, 2010

One thing I hate is when a product is oversold. For example, when I went to buy my current netbook, the salesman tried telling me it was top of the line because it was what Ferrari used as their on-board navigation (or something like that). Now, don’t get me wrong, my netbook IS AMAZING. It fits perfectly in my purse, has great speed, space, etc. Hell.. I can run Photoshop CS4 on it and it doesn’t even flinch (and if you weren’t aware, the common netbook cannot achieve such a feat). But fact is, the sales guy was a tool making claims that, while true (again, it really IS awesome), were unrelated and arbitrary. That being said, when I read product description like the following:

Enjoy instant pleasure in the shower or hot tub with this mini multi-speed Neon Jr. G-Spot Softee vibe. Don’t let its small size fool you though – this lil’ guy packs enough power to deliver mind-blowing thrills in or out of the water! Just turn the dial base and choose a speed that’s right for you, then let the seductive vibrations whisk you away. It’s cleverly curved to stimulate your G-spot and you can use it for a satisfying solo encounter or share it with your lover. Either way, you’ll love the soothing sensation and discreet thrills from this mini soft massager!

… doubts begin to set in. Very much the cynic, I was not impressed when the Neon Jr. G-Spot Softees showed up, either. However, I have promised myself to honest reviews, so I decided to continue on with my testing (aka an afternoon filled with porn)… in the name of SCIENCE!

It didn’t start very well. After 15 minutes of fiddling with the one battery it required, I couldn’t get the damn thing to work. The chamber was filled with plastic bits and such that apparently were not just packaging material and were, in fact, actually necessary for the toy to work. That would have been nice to know (or better yet, design a vibrator that didn’t require plastic bits in the battery chamber to operate??) because if I weren’t so damn stubborn, I would have given up much sooner. It was when I was just about ready to call customer support that it sprung to life. With one battery there shouldn’t really be a lot of room for error, in my opinion.

It’s nice and compact and would be great to use if you still want to be able to maintain access to the vulva or as an accessory to another toy. Ultimately, what killed the toy for me was the construction. It felt like a shortened slimline vibe had been covered in a pliable sleeve or sheath that didn’t really fit, leaving a good amount of squishable space that the vibrating part was suspended within. This meant that there was really no direct application of the vibrations to the outer sleeve. I had a hard time finding any sort of way to apply pressure with the toy to either my clit or g-spot because of this.

Not to mention, in the marketing pictures the toy looks like a pretty solid pink, but mine had some strange white material (tissue? fluff?) floating around in the empty space between the motor and the sleeve. I could see if maybe this was supposed to be all around the motor to give stability or something, but it was only on one side and looked really funny. Seemed to be an intended part of the toy seeing as there was no easy way to detach the sleeve and remove the offending material.

Pipedreams, the manufacturer, claims the toy is phthalate free and waterproof. Definitely two great qualities I look for in a toy, but these benefits just don’t outweigh the construction issues for me. If you’re looking for a mini vibe with moderate power, I’d sooner recommend something like Fun Factory’s line of mini vibes (I own Bubbles and Spring looks fun too!) which is similarly shaped but body friendly silicone and an easy-to-use recharging system, although a bit pricier. Or if you’re looking for similar economy as the Softee Jr. but better functionality I’d say pick up a pocket rocket. For me, there isn’t anything unique enough about the Softee Jr. I have other products from Pipedreams that I LOVE but sadly, the Neon Jr. G-Spot Softees won’t be taking up residence in my primary toy box anytime soon.

Neon Jr. G-Spot Softees • Vibrators • Sex Toys

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