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What I want and what I NEED.

October 19, 2010

A few weeks back, I sat down with my thoughts and put down what I need from the people in my life. I think it’s easier to manage expectations if I’m honest about them. I don’t want to let down my friends and partners who might want more, and I don’t want to harm the relationships that don’t know they have expectations in the first place. So, important people in my life this is what I need from you all:

  • Regular one on one time. Think date night. Time for me to get attention, and not really share a whole lot of it. Remember, I’m an attention whore. I enjoy spending time with all my friends, just me and them. I am a really private person with certain things and it’s nice to be able to share openly at the rate that I feel comfortable with. There are parts of me that I don’t want to share with everyone, and that isn’t changing. I don’t mind sharing and spending time with their other friends and partners, but I want one day where it’s just us. Once a month seems to be the interval that works for me right now, but that isn’t steadfast. As long as I have something to look forward to, I’m happy.
  • I need my partner to understand that my relationship is with them. I might have additional connections to their friends and partners, and we might have our own relationships, but I need them to understand that this doesn’t negate my need to connect with them. Without regular one on one time, I disconnect. I need my life to function without me having to work quite as hard to make it.
  • I need my friends and partners to want to spend time in my home as well as theirs. I love where I live, I don’t want to feel as if my home is where I am sent to spend time when they aren’t around, I don’t want that separation. In addition, I want them to want to be a part of my life as well as theirs. I want my life outside of them to be validated.

On top of the basic needs from any friends, the following are what I need from my partners. This ranges from people I may be dating to committed partnerships:

  • I need my partner to want me sexually. I have an incredibly high libido. I don’t expect them to share the same urges, but I do expect for us to have a regular sex life. Once a week is my minimum. I need sex once a week. This doesn’t mean from each partner, just… between them all, I function well at once a week.
  • I want my partner to engage in my life as well. They don’t have to be passionate about my art or my writing, but I do expect them to be interested if they know I’ve been working hard on something. To at least want to read my blog on a regular basis, or ask me if I posted anything they should be reading, I will happily pick out the important stuff if I know they want to read it. To ask me, after I’ve spent weeks on a new design, to take a look. To take interest in the work I do for the clinic in terms of marketing, to ask me how the things I’m passionate about in life are. Their life interests me, my life should interest them.
  • I expect my partners to guide me in how they want our relationship to look. I expect to be told when I’m not doing something up to par or just quite right. I am a perfectionist, instead of this scaring my partner I’d prefer them to tell me how to be better. To teach me what they want. When I ask for feedback to tell me what they honestly think. I want my partner to see my perfectionism as beautiful and something to foster and grow, rather than tolerate.
  • I need my partner to accept certain things about me and work with me in certain regards instead of expecting the following to change anytime soon. Growth is possible, but I don’t want someone to try to make me someone I’m not. So here is what I am:
  • I’m 23 and I am still trying to figure myself out.
  • I am poly and queer. I am a sex blogger. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am an over-thinker and a worry-wart. I am an attention whore. I am a slut.
  • I communicate best through writing, art, and touch. Not talking is not a warning sign. Rather, not TOUCHING certainly is.
  • My refresh timer is a week. I need to at the minimum hear from you once a week. Some of my more committed relationships have shorter timers (36-48 hours is my comfort zone of communication for my Primary, for instance) but the general rule of thumb is that my life operates on weeks.
  • I am a pedestrian. I don’t want to drive anytime soon. I take the bus and light rail.

These are pretty general.. obviously all my relationships have different needs based on our dynamics. However, I think it’s really good to know where my baseline is. Huzzah! I hope other people can at least get a little out of it. If I can explain anything better to anyone, please let me know either in my comments or a private message.

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 19, 2010 7:22 pm

    I love this! You’ve put a lot of thought into what you need and want and put it out there. I’m so proud. ❤

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