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Today is national coming out day.

October 11, 2010

I thought perhaps I should write something, even though I kind of feel like I am not part of the club…

I read stories like my amazing friend/partner Essin’em wrote and it’s so inspiring. I look at her and she’s so sure of who she is and in turn is often recognized and accepted by her community (at least from my perspective, she might say differently). And here I am, not active in many communities (the Denver kink community mainly), and most people because of my primary relationship wouldn’t think to classify me as Queer.

I first heard the term when I met Essin’em, actually, about a year and a half ago. I’d fooled around with girls before.. had a bit of a crush on my best friend from high school, but I never felt this made me different to the point of needing to define it. Then I met her. She had amazing energy and I wanted to know so many parts of her and goodness, she was hot as hell! I suppose part of why things didn’t work was that I was obviously hesitant and I wonder how much of that was me not feeling like I was experienced enough to be with someone who had been with girls for most of her sexual life and touted all the amazing sex she had. But she tried explaining to me that being Queer could define my sexuality on a variety of levels: I liked girls, I like guys, I liked getting tied up and beat. Bisexuality and kinky were absolutely covered under the Queer umbrella.

And then I met Isz. She was beautiful and she pushed me beyond what she thought I was comfortable with. I started feeling excited about the possibility of having something deeper with a woman than any of my prior relationships. Unfortunately, the situation wasn’t right and our relationship went on an indefinite pause.

This brings me to today. I’ve been seeing Mr. Rawr for a year now. I’ve also been dating “The woman who thought to bring me a hubcap” for a handful of months. But I’ve been so afraid inside of asserting my identity within the kink community. I’m afraid of being seen as a straight girl who kisses chicks for attention. I’m afraid of people thinking I’m not serious because of bisexuality invisibility. When I first came out as a submissive and a masochist I had so many people in the kink community telling me I was wrong. I remember being so astonished and how many people were dismissive of how I was choosing to identify. But I imagine that is what days like today are all about, pushing past the fear and letting the voices of the varying communities be heard. Mine might be quiet and meek but I would like to add my voice to the effort…

Hi, my name is Evey and I am a Queer, Kinky, Blogging, Switchy, Lolita-esque girl.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 11, 2010 2:28 pm

    And I love you for that. Happy Coming Out Day!

  2. Nicoli permalink
    October 11, 2010 9:08 pm

    Happy comming out day indeed.

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