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Poly Epiphany: “Re-slotting”

October 7, 2010

So I’ve had a poly epiphany this week. I have always talked about how I have all these different parts of me that I don’t think any one person can fulfill and it’s true. But I had been having issues when I went to play with people besides Mr. Rawr, to date other men (my masochist for example), etc so I decided to see if maybe I was a one man girl (and possibly a one woman girl too). But after our recent hiccup in my relationship with Mr. Rawr, I’ve been talking really bluntly with a lot of people and asking for feedback. What I kind of realized is that even still there are a lot of things that I would need from him if our relationship were to continue down the same path that is was. What I’m kind of realizing is that a lot of those things (certain kinks, dynamics, ways of interacting, etc) aren’t HIM. So I sat down and thought, I had tried manifesting two slots in my life (one for a relationship with a man, and one a woman) and if he wasn’t going to fulfill all of my needs from a relationship with a man where did that leave me? I like him taking up a slot in my life.. I love him and while we were split for those two weeks, I missed him more than I wish to anytime soon. And that’s about the time I realized that I could keep him in a slot but change the shape of his slot, stop trying to fit him into a space in my life that he doesn’t fit in. It’s not fair and only setting us up for failure. So, I’m working on mentally tailoring my needs around what and who he is…  I can work on finding a new puzzle piece to fit in with the rest once I’m done.

My realization came from a conversation with a dear friend about “reslotting people”. Essentially, you don’t need to fight to keep people where they are in your life, but rather move them around and make it work. Genius. Zen. Awesome. So, I’m trying to find balance. Balancing all the people who enhance my life, not too much of one and not enough of another. It’s interesting to think that this is what I had been doing that messed up a lot of my relationships and it was my doing, my perspective that caused things to go awry.

So, Zen Evey says: I will accept people for who they are, be open to growth, but otherwise not place expectations on them that they never asked for. *nods*

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