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The First Time.

August 19, 2010

The following is the first in a series of recollections on a past relationship. There was a lot of good.. a lot. But there was a lot of bad that I haven’t ever talked about.. that I haven’t finished processing. But it’s time to move on. It’s time to deal with the past…

He was on top of me with his cock burried between my legs. He kept fidgeting with my legs. Besides the usual monotany, our sex today was filled with tension. His cock wasn’t as rock solid as he’d have liked His frustration was so palpable. I always tried to be supportive of him, reassuring of his sex appeal and how hot I was for his cock. He was always stubborn. It didn’t matter. I was too young to understand. I was too niave and optimistic about sex. He had “paid his dues”.. “been there done that” and my idealistic ideas of sex weren’t welcome. So if his cock wasn’t pornstar-rock-solid well then, obviously, sex was over and nothing more was happening… He pulled out and laid down on the bed.

We laid there in silence.

Maybe I had pushed too much for sex, maybe he wasn’t in the mood and only had given in to my persistence. He hated when I did that.

More silence.

“Is everything okay?”

“I just wasn’t getting any sensation… your inner thighs have gotten so big I can’t really get inside you.”

My heart sunk. This was the man I loved and something that I couldn’t physically change right then and there to make him happy again was what was bothering him. He had just told me that he wasn’t working the way he wanted because of ME.

I lay at the foot of the bed, curled in a ball, as far away from him as I could while I fought back the tears. The thought of his touch repulsed me the longer I stayed in his room. I got up, gathered my clothes and after getting dressed walked out of his room without saying a word. He didn’t follow me or say a word as I left. When I got to my car I cried, and on the way home I cried.

It was our first fight.

The next night when he admitted that he was projecting his self-esteem issues and performance anxiety onto me was the first time I took him back.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Bad permalink
    August 19, 2010 1:57 pm

    Oh my goddess!! Evey!!! That’s fucking horrible! What a gigantic douche-bag! Screw him! Better yet, don’t screw him! Never, ever, ever, ever should anyone speak to you in that way! NEVER!! I’m so angry at this person I don’t even know what to say!

Trackbacks

  1. The Second Time « Voyeurondisplay’s Blog
  2. The Third Time. « Voyeurondisplay’s Blog

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