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What I’m not posting today- and why.

July 29, 2010

There is a post I want to write that has put my own mind in conflict. You see, I’ve been wanting to talk about some of the things I was silent about in regards to a recently ended relationship. I’ve been wanting to call out the bad things that went on behind the scenes. I’ve been wanting to blame. Specifically, I’ve been wanting to post a list of grievances. This is what really happened, these are the things I kept quiet about and told myself were wrong to write about, here is how I really felt.

But I won’t.

Writing about it isn’t going to further the story of my emotional growth. It’s not going to make me feel any better, and I’d just regret it after it was done. As angry as I might be at times.. As hurt as I might be at times… As disappointed in the entire situation as I might be at times, it’s my story to learn from. I’m not the one who gets to decide the story that is told.. I’d be in the wrong to put information that personal about him on my blog. There used to be trust, and even though the terms of the relationship are shot I think I owe it to him as a person to not step to a level that petty.  My actions speak louder than my words. The action in question: letting my fingers fly over my keyboard, spelling out the current thoughts in my mind.

When I started writing I told myself it was about ME. I wouldn’t write directly about others, rather how my experiences with them made me feel and affected my life. I told myself my blog wasn’t going to be a source of gossip. I told myself I was going to adhere to my own code of ethics. As I began getting more serious about my writing, I began to appreciate the stance I took with my motives. As I began to develop a passion for my little corner of the blogosphere, I told myself that if I was going to venture into building an image I could start a career from, I was going to remain ethical- at least what ethical means to me. It’s at a moment like this, when my ethics and standards are being tested, that it is good to look back and note the reasons I write.

My Motivations:

  • I write because it is the only way I have ever found to comfortably express my innermost thoughts.
  • I write because someone once told me they could hear my voice in the words I put on paper. I found power in the compliment, because I often felt I was lost and had no voice of my own. At least not one easily heard by the masses.
  • I write to escape from the emotional holes that I hide in. My partners all know about  and actively read my posts. I can communicate to them in a forum where I’m accountable.
  • I write to preserve my story. I knew I was beginning something big in my life around the time I started writing. I didn’t want to forget how I was going to get to the great unknown I felt myself heading towards.
  • I write to explore how my interactions, scenes, sex and exploration of the community affect my personal journey and emotional growth.
  • I write because the idea that people can get a glimpse into my entire life by only being privy to a sliver of my actual interactions is beautiful. The notion that our “selves” permeates into everything we do and are.

My Methods:

  • I do no write about people who are not direct partners of my own.
  • I establish consent, pseudonyms, and allowable content. I do not write about their partners, other relationships, personal details or non-consenting friends/partners, or those in the community who do are not aware of this blog.
  • I respect any request to remove content that involves another’s description, image, identity or name. My goal is not to effect anyone’s life or expose private parts of our relationships.
  • I do not take down posts out of my own fear or shame. Once it is up- it stays up.
  • I only write from my perspective. I write about how interactions make me feel or affect me. I try my very best to stay away from accusations and slander.
  • I ensure every image used on my blog is either by me, of me, or creative commons licensed.

So there ya go. In case you never knew these are my rules. They exist for a reason. I don’t feel my writing would be as substancially important to MY STORY if they didn’t.

❤ Evey

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