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I’m a poly anomaly.

July 26, 2010

I’ve got a secret to share- I think I’m one of the only poly chicks who doesn’t get laid.

Seriously.

Okay, well maybe not. I do have sex. Just not as often as I’d like. I was having more sex when I was living with Vie, my former fuck buddy. I was having more sex when I was single. I’m having about as much sex NOW as I was when I dated the guy I always joke to my friends about as “my sexless relationship”. Ya.

Things with my masochist are on poly pause right now. Sames goes for my beautiful partner in crime. Don’t get me wrong, dates and dinner and cuddles and loving emotional support are all still there. Just, the relationships aren’t progressing. That means no sex til all their poly stuff gets worked out.

As for my Mr. Rawr? It’s a live-in poly dynamic with his other relationships. Sure, others have pointed out to me that I’m really the only one who cares about others being around for sexual stuff. But.. well I care. I’ve always been the type of person to be really private about my actual sex life. Oh, I’ll write about it for others to see.. but the details are mine. Part of our dynamic, at least for me, is that I’m incredibly sexually submissive. My service is very pleasure centric and often leaves me wanting to please him entirely. But in the end, I get all self-conscious about my “performance” when others are watching and I begin to feel clumsy and awkward. Instead, I’ve made the conscious decision to keep the beauty of our dynamic for no one’s eyes but our own. This just means the opportunities are diminished.

What’s a girl to do? Well, it’s a good thing I have toys. But at the end of the week, they’re just not the same. I like interacting with my partners sexually… on a VERY regular basis. Once a month just doesn’t cut it for me. On my own, I’m a 2 times a day kind of girl. At the very least, I can settle for once a week. But if never fails, a few days after my last orgasm with a partner, I start to twitch. What if the next few days we get busy and then it makes it to a week?? What if work and life come tumbling down on us and it goes another month (which it ALWAYS does)?? Damn it.. I need sex now!! And THAT is how I convince myself that it’s a “now or never” situation.

Things I miss:

  • Randomly seducing my partner at the most unplanned moments. “Oh, were you busy at your desk? See I thought it was the perfect time to take of your pants!”
  • Regular amounts of wake-up/good-night sex. There was a time in my life where 80% of the nights I spent with someone in my bed, at least one such fucking scenario occurred.
  • Having my partners surprise me with sex. The times when THEY want to randomly seduce me.

At present, I do a lot of asking. I do a lot of planning. Where is the sexy in that?? Sometimes, it’s nice to feel wanted by my partners as much as I want them. Sometimes, I want them to wake me up in the morning with wandering hands. Sometimes, I want them to paw at me while I’m working on my writing. Sometimes, I don’t want to be the only poly girl in relationships who isn’t getting laid.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Bad permalink
    July 26, 2010 10:14 am

    Wow, preachin’ to the choir. I know that it sounds ridiculous to say, but many of my friends in poly relationships are, at present, pretty much celibate.

  2. voyeurondisplay permalink*
    July 27, 2010 8:53 am

    Ya know.. that seems to be the feedback I’ve gotten. Sad pandas. Good thing there are tons of awesome bits to poly to make up for it!

  3. July 28, 2010 11:00 am

    well at least you still get all the lovey bits…. I’ve gotta be the only poly guy stuck in mono world right now. GF left me, Wifey is always busy, Ruby person is also always busy and is physically unavailable, the only time I ever get any real sexy on, is when diasia comes down to hang out, and even then it’s more just the flirty flirty since all the childer are around. I miss my sexually unrestrained life. I’d be happy right now if I could just get a GF/partner that could spend more than 5 minutes with me after the kids are in bed and my depression kicks in.

    I wanna go home damnit

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