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Things I Learned at Thunder:

July 22, 2010

I spent the majority of my time last weekend attending this year’s local kink convention, Thunder in the Mountains. Going into it I had all these ideas in my head of what this year was going to be like and surprise, surprise… nothing ended up being like I expected. The following is a tally of the ideas, concepts, and lessons I learned about my kinks, my community, and myself this year at Thunder.

– I have a boot fetish. I have been engaging in said fetish for the better part of the last year without even realizing it. I went to an amazing class, presented by Utah Rox, and walked out with so many ideas and feelings about how to better explore my interests in boot worship and play.

– I need to learn to control my energy. I found myself overwhelmed and alone after the energy play class (I’m an empath and couldn’t cut myself off during the class). It it weren’t for the lovely lady who hugged though everything with me, I’m not sure I’d have made it home in one emotional piece.

– My friends kick ass. Seriously. I’ve been adopted by a family of kittens and while I feel very different from them at times, I find them endlessly entertaining. And when push comes to shove, they seem to be pretty good at that whole support and caring thing.

– I have little to no interest in bottoming casually. And by that, I mean even with play partners who I’ve been involved with for a while now. It’s a hard thing to admit, and I feel like a bit of a douche, but I need to be honest with myself. There are one or two scenes I’m still very interested in finishing my negotiations on, and one or two people I wouldn’t mind continuing to bottom to- but they both have similar play styles to Mr. Rawr. Otherwise, I am taking a break from casual bottoming for a while. It’s too much for my little heart and mind to handle while still trying to delve into the depths of the dynamic between my Mr. and me.

– I’m a switch. My favorite scene at Thunder was with a former partner. We’d yet to play in a kink setting and despite much negotiation when we were still involved, it was our first time essentially. I got in a mood and offered her to play (who can resist and offer for me to beat them with my large cock?! hehe) and while it didn’t go as planned.. it just might have been better. Not sure what this means for us (if anything) but it was one of the first times playing with someone where I honestly felt in control. I didn’t question where we were going next. We were close enough that I had a good idea of her limits and reactions… it was mind-blowing. I walked out of the dungeon that night feeling like I’d just had some of the best sex of my life.

Perhaps the most grounding conclusion I have come to after the weekend is this:

I am headed in the right direction. The growth I have made is good. I am doing what is right for me, and as a consequence it is positively affecting my relationships and those I love. I can see the rough outlines of the person inside, and she intrigues me. Her shape, and sheer existence, make me want to continue to gain my strength so that one day she might integrate into my current Self.

This weekend was tough. I missed Mr. Rawr a majority of the time, and couldn’t help but think how more at peace and a part of the community I would feel at his side….

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Jey permalink
    July 22, 2010 4:30 pm

    Could you tell me a bit more about the energy play class? I’ve never heard of anything like that.
    Maybe you can suggest a link?

  2. voyeurondisplay permalink*
    July 27, 2010 8:54 am

    Hum… maybe I’ll do a post just on energy play for you this week, Jey! 🙂 [filled with tons of awesome links too!]

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