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June 24, 2010

I “reset” about a week and a half ago. I’ve been fighting it and trying to not let it affect my life, but tonight I failed. I came home and sat on my couch and have yet to move. I had a talk with my mentor that kind of validated how I’m feeling about some of my issues, but otherwise I’m at a loss.

All I really want to do is curl up in Mr Rawr’s arms and to feel safe and loved. But that isn’t so possible right now. I can’t stop thinking that if I were to get that kind of interaction, I’d be fine or at least able to breathe in a more regular pattern. I’ve been hyperventilating and fighting back tears at random intervals on top of it. Do you know what the most ridiculous part is? I had a good day, a REALLY good day. There is no reason for me to feel like this, but I got off work an something clicked. I got really depressed, then lonely and finally to this point.

I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to control my emotions when they get so intense. It feels like they have a mind of their own, and if I try to take over they just sit buried deep in my chest- but I can still feel them waiting to escape.

I hate that sometimes, I’m the crazy one.

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