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Voyeurism 101: The Fundementals

June 15, 2010

Please keep in my, the following is only my opinions about why I, personally, identify as a voyeur. My experiences, viewpoints and explanations are most certainly different from others.

I self identify as a Voyeur. It’s a fact most people know about me. The first kink I ever identified with was voyeurism. I thought I might be a submissive, I didn’t even think I was a masochist at that time- but I KNEW I was a voyeur. However, I don’t think many quite understand the gravity that is underlying when I say, “Hi, I’m Evey and I’m a Voyeur.” It has many facets and is not as simple as, “I like watching people do dirty things”, in fact I wouldn’t even call that voyeurism but rather human nature.

I want to throw out some references to start things out.

In clinical psychology, voyeurism is the sexual interest in or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other activity usually considered to be of a private nature. In popular imagination the term is used in a more general sense to refer to someone who habitually observes others without their knowledge, and there is no necessary implication of any sexual interest. Voyeurism can take several forms, but its principle characteristic is that the voyeur does not normally relate directly with the subject of his or her interest, who is often unaware of being observed. The voyeur may observe the subject from a distance, or use stealth…

-Wikipedia

French, from Old French, one who lies in wait
-Dictionary.com

Voyeurism is still participation
Shortbus

“Peeping Toms/are never praised, like novelists or bird watchers,/for their keenness of observation.”
-W.H.Aulden

It started in adolescence. When I first got hold of my father’s laptop alone, I can remember logging onto the internet and searching for porn. I would look at pictures and free video clips and I was in heaven. Soon it got more risque, kinky and non-conventional. Before I knew it, I was 14 and into watching some of the stuff that people even in the kink community turn their noses at. Then, I moved away from home an into the dorms and discovered the wonder of the online cam community. I would watch men jacking off for women, women desperately teasing themselves, and all sorts of wondrous scenarios play out on my screen, and even occasionally engage those on the other end. Mainstream porn became boring to me. Until I found the kink community in Denver. I remember the first few scenes I watched, they were raw and full of such amazing energy. I wanted nothing more than to sit and bask in the power radiating from each scene. I wanted to soak in every new sight and experience I could. It was strong, and often times left me feeling like I was going to spill over because I’d soaked up so much. It was fulfilling and in a very different way than ever before, sexually gratifying.

I remember my first “voyeurgasm” (an orgasm prompted purely from voyeuristic stimuli) was during this great scene between two friends. He was literally standing on top of her and trampling, kicking and eventually caning the shit out of her thighs, ass and back. I sat in the corner on top of a side table that was next to the bondage table they had been using. I just remember wave after wave of overwhelming bliss (and of course shakes) hitting me. It was so powerful that she noticed and momentarily stopped their scene to ask if I was okay. A good powerful scene can still do the same.

So, what is it that I watch? I watch everything. Primarily details, sometimes how small details work together in a sort of beautiful fate-driven dance to create amazing imagery. I love the way disparity looks be it between textures, dynamics, or perceptions. Distinct changes in imagery incite me to the core. The violent crack of a whip followed by the gentle touches of a loving partner. Pink welts and deep purple bruises against porcelain skin. The little girl being taken advantage of by a stronger, more experienced partner. Bodies, often seen as beautifully free moving, bound by endless ropes and rigid straps. I watch energy and emotions. I watch people, when they are at their most vulnerable, when they think no one is watching. I watch the things I haven’t been given permission to watch.

If this post has piqued an interest, I suggest taking a look at my previous posts on voyeurism: Voyeurism 201: The Power of NOT Watching and A Perv’s Perspective: In the Shower.

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