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Non-negotiable #1

May 27, 2010

I’m unconventional. I make killer chicken curry between doing the laundry and fixing plumbing issues in my fantastically old studio downtown. Some days I feel like this amazing domestic goddess. Others, I want nothing more than to sit down with my netbook and write introspective commentary of my innermost feelings. During the fall I turn into the girl next door screaming at the football game on TV down at the local bar. I geek out on MMO’s, design, literature, documentaries and socially charged interviews. I am the product of a being raised by a finish carpenter who ran his own business and a fierce do-it-yourself, independent, single mother. I will fight you to carry all the groceries into the house, I will carry your things AND get the door for you. Amid all my flaws, I remember when I first moved to Denver and began this journey of self discovery that one of my favorite parts of myself was how it took a while for someone to know all my parts.. and even then it took someone great to understand and love all of them. I loved my unexpectedness. All my different facets that combine to create this unconventional person, it’s one of the few things I am honestly proud of about myself.

I’d forgotten about my many facets. During the last year I was delving so deep into exploring my submission, there is a lot of me that I’ve set aside. Part of my healing process that my mentor, Gordon, and I have devised is to rediscover all the parts of me that I like, so I like who I am again. He also wants me to be able to start accepting and incorporating them into how I identify.

About 6 months ago Gordon challenged me to write out the “non-negotiables”. These were things about myself that were part of who I am as a person and people need to be okay with if they are to be in a relationship with me. After an exhausting day and a half of anxiety and stress and emotions, I’ve been inspired to finally complete that assignment. So there they are, the things about me that you need to be okay with if you are going to have any sort of relationship or involvement in my life (friends, lovers, play partners, life partners… etc).

I have priorities, you will never be #1.

As a survivor of traumatic emotionally abusive family relationships as a child/teen and a few emotionally abusive love interests, I will not place your wants above my needs. My health, well-being, sanity and emotional stability are paramount. My effort to improve my mental wellbeing and emotional stability is non-negotiable as well. If I cannot successfully take care of myself, then how can I take care of a potential partner? Next is my job. I am not in the place in my life where I want to rely on anyone else financially. I work 40+ hours a week at my day job. I have ambitions to be a freelance graphic designer (and am currently working on a job pulling around 10 additional hours a week, with several lined up after this). I run a sex blog and intend in the next year to be blogging professionally (that means affiliate sites, reviewing, regular posts and time spent devoted to networking). Time spent with you comes second to my responsibilities to myself (maintaining my studio, my laundry, etc) and my career (including my day job and side projects). How I prioritize my responsibilities and relationships are not negotiable.

(to be continued…)

One Comment leave one →
  1. SxyVixen permalink
    June 9, 2010 10:21 pm

    Fuck yes I agree with this challenge…Excellent, keep it up girl!

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