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This Evey-Bird is a solitary creature

January 13, 2010

I’ve been listening to a LOT of podcasts lately.  My Sprint Hero has an app for managing all my podcasts, so I listen a lot on my way to and from work.  One show in particular that has peaked my interest is Graydancer’s Ropecast.  His last topic was a 2 part interview with Cunning Minx (of Polyamory Weekly) and Mollena (of Mollena.com) about being single in the scene and it was FANTASTIC.  Here in the Denver community, so many of the people I know are coupled and while they may be poly with their play in the clubs, they have someone to lean on.  There aren’t too many single people in the community who are active on a very regular basis.  It’s frustrating, I’ve definitely had my issues with being a single gal in the community.  What was refreshing was hearing two other people in different communities express the same issues.  While I definitely didn’t think my experiences and perceptions were unique, they aren’t something I hear too often as being shared.  It was good to hear.

It totally got me thinking too, while I have no shortage of people to play with when I go out to the clubs I’m certainly still single. I don’t know for sure that I’m going home with someone.  I often don’t even know for sure if I’ll be playing at all during the night.  Things with Mr. Rawr have definitely helped, but it’s the nights when I go to another club without him that I remember that despite my attachments, I’m still a very single little girl.  While I understand that there are two sides to everything, I’m going to suspend my understanding for this post and point out a couple things that I feel are sometimes forgotten…

I don’t do Maybe.

There are so many times when I ask a top, “hey, would you want to do something if you have time tonight?” and get the response- MAYBE. I understand things happen, hell I’ve had nights that things have happened where I had to bail on a scene because of something that happened to me.. it’s understandable.  When I ask, I am asking if they will consider the possibility, not some iron-clad contract agreeing to a scene.  So to me… maybe is being brushed off.  Don’t waste my time.. if you think it’s a no tell me “hey probably not but if something changes I’ll let you know”.

Sometimes, I play with new people… don’t judge me.

I don’t have a partner to rely on to play with for the night.  Sometimes, if I get a compelling enough offer I will play with someone who I have only recently met.  It came up in a discussion last week that I was being too liberal with who I was playing with and it’s something I’ve heard before.  I just want to remind people who are in relationships that in order to STOP playing with new people, I need to find someone I like playing with regularly to begin with.  Didn’t think it was a strange notion myself, but apparently people need reminding sometimes…

….just sayin’.

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