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New Year- Resolutions!

January 11, 2010

Happy 2010! This last year has been such a blast. I’ve learned more about myself and molded my life into something definitely more “Evey” than  it has ever been before.

– I Discovered the Denver kink community.

– I broke off my sexless vanilla relationship.

– I met someone who held my hand though the first part of my journey into BDSM, my first scene, the first realizations of my kinks, and my first kinky sex.

– I dealt with and eventually “got over” Evan and our clusterfuck of a relationship. Finally. He was a great part of my life, but I’m at the point where I can accept that it’s over and that’s okay.

– I have let people in. I’m still cautious and closed off but because of my failings in a particular play relationship, I’ve since pushed myself to not make the same mistakes (because losing momentum with him still hurts sometimes).

– I attended Thunder 2009 and had a freaking blast!

– I’ve grown past my slut phase. Every person I’ve had sex with this year has been for a reason, and it’s been more rewarding than any of my previous random hookups.

– I have survived heartache and near disaster to one of the relationships that means the world to me. Our survival rate, if nothing else, gives me hope that I’m doing the right thing.

– I met, was beat by, fucked by and befriended the fiercest femme I know.

– I’ve accepted and am getting myself ready to explore the fluidity of my sexuality (I’m not ready to label it yet.. but yes, I’m involved with women on occasion).

– I hit rock bottom. Gordon stepped in and taught me to survive.

– In the last 5 months I’ve become more myself than I knew I could be (and I’m still growing!)

– I’ve fully embraced my love of force, aggression, and fear. (Humiliation is next on the list.. EEP!)

Biggest revelation of 2009: I’ve learned to feel again.

It’s been an amazing year. Tons of pain and tears.. tons of the greatest sex of my life.. followed by tons of sadness.. fuck i’m gonna be woo-woo for a minute so please excuse me, but in the end I think I’m better for it all.

This year:

– Further my career. Focus on my designs. Build a better blog. Find a better day job.

– Allow myself to free fall into love.

– I want to be physically wounded.. it’s not time for the epic flesh wound yet.. but my flesh could use some ripping apart.

– More. More force. Harder. Rougher. I am getting complacent in my level of intensity… I want turn it up some more.

– Get back down to my starting weight. All the stress from this summer rocked my metabolism.

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