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Hit me… please?

June 9, 2009

I need to play. I need a good cathartic heavy scene. I need something that is going to push my boundaries like needles, cups, etc used to. I’ve been trying to ask for such a scene on and off for the last few weeks, and a few have been planned, but there hasn’t really been much follow through. One night I needed a crazy rough fucking more than a beating (like 10x harder than I usually get) so I suppose I got sex instead of a scene.. and the others just kinda got forgotten and/or fell to the side.

I’ve had an attraction to punching, I think there’s a lot of power in fists and I love the sensation. I also think I can take more and be pushed further than I have been so far in regards to taking punches. I want to play hard this weekend. I want that crazy energy release.. I want to feel like I’m putting my trust in someone to do something I’m not sure I can take (like I felt when Vie did the last X on my back in my birthday needle scene). I want to be wanted, I want someone to want to do a heavy scene with me, I don’t want it to be a burden or a “sure we’ll scene” and then it not have the full energy there that I need.

I’m a patient person, I can wait until it’s my turn, but there are certain play partners I wish I scene’d with more than I do. Some have been months since I’ve played with. Others I am fortunate enough to play with every week or so (which is great!) but I can’t keep putting the expectation on them that we’re going to scene at a party just because we both happen to be there. My frustration comes from a combination of the planner in me wanting to KNOW what to expect, as well as the desire to connect with people I love to connect with but haven’t lately- a craving so to speak.

Please, if any of my play partners read this.. I’m feeling like a broken record, I don’t want to have to keep asking for the same thing over and over. As most of you know, asking for something I need is often hard enough the first time let alone feeling like a nagging bitch each consecutive time I ask. So please, someone.. I love you all and stuffs but I NEED to play. I need to be the one who’s needs are taken care of for the night. I’ve been mamma birding a lot lately and taking care of all the other subs in the few families I have in the scene, aquiescing to their needs because I could wait.. but it’s my turn. Doesn’t need to be big and fancy.. hell I’ll even take stingy (despite my current tendency toward the more pressure driven pain) as long as the right energy transfer is there.


One Comment leave one →
  1. Ashley permalink
    June 9, 2009 3:37 pm

    *Grins* Gimme a few weeks and I’ll fully break in those new gloves I got. 😀 PS I appreciate you Momma Birding me when I needed it. 😀 I’d be more than happy to return the favor. Um I love you face too. 😀

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