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Where am I now?

April 30, 2009

Tomorrow will mark three months since my first contact with someone in the scene. It seems like such a short amount of time when I put it that way. Perhaps because it is. Somehow, in a mere three months I have amassed what I think is much more experience than one normally gains in the first 3 months of trying something on. Well, I shouldn’t say that- I’m not trying this on. The second I found it, I felt at home. But what I mean is, I’ve done things in my short three months that friends of mine who were in the scene privately for over a year have not. Not bad, or good really.. but none the less- different.

So where am I now? Well here’s the run down of what my life currently entails:

– Vie has become one of my dearest friends. Our relationship is kinda undefinable (best friend/play partner/?) but has been one of the most unique things I’ve ever experienced. He has been a mentor, a teacher, a protector and a distraction. haha. I think you meet people for a reason, and I don’t know how much more we have to learn from each other, but the journey so far has been immensely rewarding.

– I’ve found myself coming into my own and a person. My confidence has begun to rebuild after the mess that Mike and Evan left me in. Vie even says he can see the difference in me from when he first met me. Essentially, I am happier. I don’t know if it’s from finding a part of me that was missing or what.. but I feel so content with who I am and the decisions I am making and that hasn’t happened in a long time.

– I’m dating. I think. What is the definition of dating?? I think it’s when you’re seeing someone with the understood possibility that there could be something more. Like a test drive. So am I dating Vie? No. Don’t know if we ever went for a test drive.. but we know it wouldn’t work. Not for anything more than what we have a least. Are the other men who have entered my life people I am “dating”? I’m not sure…

– I have a play partner. I know labels. haha. But I have met someone who I very much enjoy the connection we share, and have done a couple scenes with now and have very much enjoyed myself. I’m not so sure I know where this will eventually end up, but isn’t that half the fun? Enjoying the journey and sharing with someone else. 🙂

– When I first started writing, I began talking with someone who was a reader. Our conversations grew into a sort of friendship and last week we met up for the first time. It went well, he had an interesting energy. Again, not sure where things will lead, if anywhere, but I’m ready to see.

– I’ve met a dear friend, Essin’em, one whom our trust and connection seemed to grow overnight and has been kind of my rock during some very rough times this last month. I care for her very much. Having people in the scene who get you and get what you’re going though and want nothing but to care for and nurture.. it’s amazing.

– Lastly, I suppose I feel as if I’m finding my footing in the scene. I enjoy that I’ve started feeling at home at places like the Rack Room and the TNG group. Last month’s radical intimacy up in Boulder was amazing. There are all these wonderful groups and people outside of Enclave that have open their arms and it’s just wonderful! Completely what I was looking for.

Well that’s it. I don’t know how to end this one on some deep thoughtful note. I suppose it is what it is.. If I’ve forgotten anything please let me know! haha.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Braddock permalink
    April 30, 2009 2:04 pm

    You’re definitely not “trying this on,” not as far as I can tell. Opening and exploring new parts of your soul, adjusting who you are from fitting other peoples’ expectations to fitting your own…well, it can take a while.

    But you’re certainly not taking the slow approach to it. So run like the wind, and if you trip, it seems you have enough people who truly care about you to make it a momentary stumble only.

    I’m glad you’ve found what you’ve been looking for, thus far. And now you get to find the things that weren’t on your list, but will become a part of you too.

    Happy exploring, and thanks for marking your three months with all of us.

  2. Ash permalink
    April 30, 2009 3:28 pm

    🙂 I’m so glad you have found this as a home. I’m glad you’re part of my family and we get to go on this wonderful, soul exploring journey together. 😀 *tackle hugs*

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