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Evolving Definitions

March 23, 2009

This is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately… dealing with changing definitions of relationships. I have seen it popping up a lot around me. My roommates have become involved with one another.. going from just my roommates, to a couple living in my house. I have friends who started off as friends, moved to people who might have had potential for a bit more and after some exploring of curiosity have been put back in the friend box. And what about relationships that one constructs within the realm of casual open relationships? Being casual and open in nature.. there is always the possibility that one partner finds something more serious and the delicate balance needs readjusting.

I’m just sort of curious how one goes about dealing with all these situations. None of them are “bad” or incredibly life altering..

In terms of my roomies, that is a situation one encounters in day to day life at any point when two people in a circle of friends begin dating. I haven’t really had to deal with it in years because I had taken so long to reconstruct my circle of friends in CO. It is a beautiful thing watching two people you love and care for find each other.. but without a doubt things change in terms of the dynamics of that original circle of friends.

The second one is one that I have not really had to deal with before. Prior to a few months ago, if I decided to go on a “date” and essentially see if I was compatible, and things DIDN’T work out.. well I just stopped seeing them. Due to the nature of the scene and a realization in myself, I have ceased to do this. I think there had to be something I liked about someone enough to consider a possibility.. so why throw that away? I have noticed that it is difficult to change that role back to friendship after you have expressed wishes to explore something more. Does anyone have any advice regarding this?

And finally, open relationships. I have come to realize that if this is something I enjoy (which it is!) that I need to be prepared to deal with such events as they are bound to happen at some point. While I know that I enjoy casual open long term relationships, that is not everyone’s cup of tea.. and some of those involved really only are as a temporary situation- until they find the “one” to make them not want to be casually open. This means that I am at some point bound to encounter situations where those I involve myself with need to end things and pursue their ultimate needs with one person in a monogamous relationship. This is something I have conflicting emotions regarding. Where, I want what is best for anyone I am close to.. whether or not I am involved with them (so people who are just friends included), I think I would be happy for them. Genuinely happy. But then, I think the other part of me wouldn’t want things to change. It takes a while to set up the definitions and parameters of a casually open relationship that it would be hard to make that transition to something else.. sort of like the second situation I talked about but much more intense. I suppose the question I am posing with this last issue is how does one deal with that? I know that if i continue down the road I have planned for myself regarding how I construct my intimate relationships.. this is something I am bound to encounter sooner or later.. and being the over-thinker/worry-wart that I am.. I want to at least have some sort of plan on how to logically and rationally deal.

The last thing I have to say is.. I already know that for all these situations open and honest communication is necessary. This is something I live my life around.. so while I appreciate any sort of feedback.. don’t feel offended if I ignore someone who tells me, “you just need to be open and honest with your feelings” as for me this is a given and something I already practice in my life.

So… that being said…


On a side note-

I just recently set up a gmail account for my blog.. I really do enjoy hearing back from people and have very much enjoyed the conversations I have had with those who read so far.. but alas it is getting difficult responding to emails on fetlife and collarme.. so if you wish to correspond with me directly I encourage it, especially with this post.. I really am looking for advice or anything else really. Thanks everyone!

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