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Gotta Start Somewhere!

February 13, 2009

I find it interesting that when we reach a certain age or maturity we presume that we know how things work to an extent. For example, I feel that I have a pretty good hold on the vanilla world. I’ve had tons of vanilla sex and, I hate to brag, but I’m pretty fucking good at it. I had a firm grasp on who I was sexually in the vanilla world, no need to ask questions.. I was far from the days where I was an innocent virgin. Moving into the BDSM world, it was an interesting moment when I realized, I was once again a virgin. I seriously had to think about it, I’d had some rougher experiences.. but was that really BDSM? I don’t think they were. I was once again a virgin.

Coming to this realization wasn’t too bad. It’s not like it was a permanent state I had to deal with or anything. I’d lose it someday.. but when? How did I want to handle my second loss of virginity? I decided that it was really no different than my vanilla virginity. I figured it should be special, no need to rush or jump in head first. I liked the idea of having an intense connection; having a moment that would be memorable- no regrets. I lost my vanilla virginity the right way, I was seventeen and he was my first love. We had an undeniable chemistry, one that despite our many wrongs committed against each other, is still just as undeniable today. It wasn’t even a question, it felt right. I never had to ask myself, should I? Is this the right way? It was so natural, I hadn’t even realized I had reached a milestone until after it was all over. No nerves, just lust and passion and trust. So, I decided a few days ago, THIS is how I wanted my first time to be.

That being said, I popped my cherry last night.

Was it the way I had envisioned it? Perhaps not. I believe there was lust, passion, and trust. There was undeniable chemistry. Although, it wasn’t with someone who I feel is, at this point, a stable figure in my life. But I think the most important part is, I’m glad it happened how it happened. I had no hesitations. It was smooth and natural and comfortable. It was absolutely one of those nights I will never forget in my lifetime. My mind and body were taken places I’d never seen before and it was so surreal. It was intense and powerful. I had never felt anything like it before.

I want more! hehe…

Any volunteers?? 😛

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