Today’s Inner Monologue
Something I tell The Redheaded Slut a lot is that when a relationship fails, sometimes it’s because you’re still learning lessons that will teach you the skills you need for when one of the people you’re meant to be with come into your life. It calms her heart most of the time and I’m happy to be her validator. I have a hard time listening to the advice myself, though.
I know that I have a purpose. I can feel it in the core of my being, most days. And I know that while I’ve discovered so much about myself in the last few years, I’m no where near the finish line. So many lessons needed in communicating and understanding and emotions lie ahead. Maybe I’ve already found my partners to keep me company along my path (I certainly hope this is the case) or maybe they are important to my path in other ways. Regardless, I’ve been feeling a lot lately that there are so many missing pieces still. I’m impatient. I don’t want to wait. I want everything to make sense now!
It’s probably feeling a little worse because of everything going on. I’m trying to recover emotionally from all the fluctuations in my personal life and bracing myself for the tough week ahead. While I love my birthday and celebrating is really important for me, I have a lot of feelings from my past that tend to find their way to the surface. The fear of what this year holds in store for me is starting to settle in.
I’m forcing the following thoughts into my head this week to try and keep my spirits up:
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”