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I can use big words: Anthropomorphism

November 18, 2010

I had a really interesting conversation about the anthropomorphism of sex toys last week. Perhaps it’s because I hang around such sex-positive queer chicks that I’ve grown an understanding that ya, it might be a dildo that is strapped to my crotch, but it’s also my cock. It has given me a different view of different types of sex and the intimacy levels involved. In turn, I find there to be something insanely sexy about fucking the shit out of a woman with my cock or in turn her using my cock for her own pleasure, while I sit back watching.

But it has become apparent to me that this view is not shared by everyone. I discovered that for some people, there is a disconnect between sex toys and one’s body. Rather for them, they are toys that, while fun to play with, create a barrier physically. It was an unexpected buzz kill, to be honest and a reminder that everyone views sex differently. I enjoy toys, I enjoy finding ways to provide my partner with pleasure even when I’m lacking certain “factory parts”. I find eroticism in the idea that my partner can have my breasts and my nipples to play with.. or if they want my clit and my cunt.. and even further my cock.

Sometimes when I have sex with my toys, I teeter on the verge of mental orgasm and my pleasure doesn’t come from any sort of neural stimulation of my own genitals, but rather watching my partner and how they responded to the things I was doing to them. I wish I had a way to show that my drive to fuck a woman is no different than my drive to be fucked by a man. The sex acts themselves are very different but the feeling, the arousal, and the wanton desire are exactly the same. I need to pound her cunt and make her cum harder than she thought she could just as much as I need him inside me. I wish I had a way to convey to my female partners that I’m okay being the Top sexually in my relationships with woman. If and when I want to come, I will and she will have her part, but my pleasure is primarily derived from being insider her and pushing her buttons.

So, this is where I’ve been thinking… while I have these urges and desires, I hate the idea of pushing them onto a female partner who doesn’t see the same connection to my cock that I do. I fear of inappropriately crossing this fine line between wanting to take her and have my way and at the same time being incredibly cognizant of her pleasure and comfort levels. I’d love some feedback, especially from my Queer friends who I would imagine have more experience expressing these ideas to partners who aren’t as deeply involved in the validating world of sex-positive culture.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Jey permalink
    November 20, 2010 1:48 am

    How does this relate to the anthropomorphism of sex toys? I think I’m missing the connection.

  2. November 24, 2010 12:32 pm

    I too am missing the anthropomorphism. However…

    Many people have been taught that using toys means that you’re not good enough at sex, or not turned on enough, or just not enough. It can take a while to break through that barrier. Additionally, many (though certainly not all) queer and lesbian women feel that if they have sex strapped on or with someone else strapped on, that they are trying to replicate sex with a man. Is this true? No, but it’s certainly a feeling that many people go through, and some feel guilty if they like being penetrated by another woman.

    Sounds like some talks to be had with your lover!

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